"That they may be encouraged in heart, knit together in love, and filled with the full riches of complete understanding, so that they may know the mystery of God, namely Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge."

Colossians 2:2-3 BSB

about

Tara B. Davis

Founder

By His grace, I'm His work in progress. My journey over the last 5-6 years through illness is marked by His mercy and grace. He met me at the end of me and showed me the power of His heart for me. He gave me His Spirit and began transforming me. He taught me to seek Him in the secret place and to walk with Him there. Walking with Him means constantly going deeper and finding more of Him. He is infinite; there is always more of Him to know. His goodness is boundless. His faithfulness is perfect. There is so much freedom to be found in His love. As His glory pours out on us, I pray that I am made a worthy vessel to be filled, so that He overflows from me.

His initial promise

by: Tara b. davis | 6/23

If you’ve known me for any amount of time or followed along on social media for the last several years, you probably already know certain things about me. I’ve been married to Josh for over 9 years, now, and he’s my favorite person on earth. He makes me laugh constantly, encourages and supports me endlessly, and he makes life a great adventure (through any and every season). I love dogs (really animals in general), and I’ve had a growing obsession with plants for several years, now. I used to own a business and worked full-time (plus way too many extra hours if I’m being totally honest) as a photographer and fine artist. I truly loved the families I got to know and grow with through photography and I truly loved painting with oils - especially unique details of animals. I had become known for the way I painted their eyes and how the “character” or “personality” of the subject came through in each piece (this may partially be due to living with some of the most spirited and expressive dogs I’ve ever known).


I stayed beyond busy and life seemed pretty “full”. But somewhat slowly, and then quite abruptly, we saw illness breaking in with increasing intensity in various ways. Most people actually don’t know how long I tried (somewhat successfully) to hide it before reaching a point that I couldn’t ignore it or push it aside anymore. Honestly, looking back, I tried to ignore it and push through it for way too long. I was determined not to allow it to “interrupt” my busy life. But then it did in quite the major way.


At that point it felt like the wheels had come off. My body went haywire, and we watched me deteriorate daily. I felt like I was falling, spiraling into complete chaos and I was desperate to hold onto any sort of familiar or stable thing. I was desperately trying to understand what was happening. My “automatic functions” stopped functioning - I couldn’t regulate my heart rate, blood pressure, body temperature, etc. This caused a terrible domino effect throughout my body and brought on a wide range of disabling symptoms. My stomach and intestines stopped functioning. My bladder function fell off to a certain degree very quickly, and then maintained a slow decline. My legs stopped working in any coordinated way and the sensation in my feet faded. What I could still feel was extremely painful. Then the heightened pain/faded sensation slowly progressed up my body. I wasn’t able to stand or balance on my own, much less walk. My reflexes became extremely weak and actually went backwards. My immune system began to malfunction; reacting in wildly sporadic and highly inappropriate ways. Thyroid disease worsened and the function of my thyroid decreased. Significant malnutrition developed over time, and later liver disease would be added to my list of diagnoses as my organ became rather enlarged and developed fibrosis (scarring that results from dying tissue). After a stay in the hospital and getting pummeled by an infection in my liver, a biliary stent was required. The onset of symptoms, sets of symptoms, progression patterns, the abnormal blood markers… nothing about my case was “textbook”. My doctors were completely baffled by all of it. We saw so, so many specialists. A few were absolutely God-sent. Some were more willing to help even though what they could offer was often very limited. Others, unfortunately, didn’t want to touch my very unique case with a 10 foot pole, and weren’t always kind or professional in communicating this to us. Many moments were frustrating, overwhelming, discouraging, and at times it felt so defeating. But He met me there. In every moment and every hard place.


Early on, He promised me that though this journey would not be quick or easy, He would never leave me. He promised that nothing the enemy threw at me would ultimately overcome me. He promised that He would redeem every broken part. He gently offered me a chance to journey with Him, and ultimately find far more than the enemy was trying to take from me.


1 Now this is what the Lord says - He who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: ‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you go through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched; the flames will not set you ablaze.’” Isaiah 43:1-2 BSB


These two verses were the first ones He really emphasized to me. Holy Spirit brought those two verses to my mind over and over (John 14:26). As we went into tough appointments, during MRIs and many other unpleasant tests, in waiting rooms, as I was taken into many operating rooms, as I was wheeled through hospital halls not knowing what was coming next, and during long, painful nights when it seemed that the enemy was attacking me from all sides with everything he had - these Words were Truth and constant encouragement that I could cling to.


Notice the emboldened words in verse 1. He created us. He formed us. Upon first reading this verse, I initially thought these two words were somewhat synonymous and took them more so as a redundancy for emphasis. But in studying further and looking at the Hebrew roots of these words (the language of the original text) I realized that they are not synonymous. “Created” refers to giving us life - specifically referencing the person (Jacob). But it goes a step further, the Hebrew root also means “to select, to feed” - so we see that by choice He continues to care for us and sustain us. “Formed” refers to shaping us and molding us, as a potter molds clay - specifically, in this verse, referencing a group of His people (Israel). As we walk with Him, this molding and shaping will be an ongoing process (Philippians 1:6). His Spirit at work in us is constantly transforming us to a make us more like Jesus (2 Corinthians 3:18), and ultimately working to form the united body of Christ on earth (His people, His Church), of which, Jesus is the head (Ephesians 1:22-23). He wastes nothing. Anything that the enemy throws at us, we can turn around and hand to Him, and He will use it to form us; He will use it for our benefit.


He redeems us. In english, redeem means “to compensate for bad or faults in something, to gain or regain possession of something through payment” (Oxford Dictionary). The Hebrew root of the word redeem is used in the context of a “kinsman”, which literally means in english “a man who is one of a person’s blood relations” (Oxford Dictionary). By coming to earth as a man to live under the law, choosing to lay down His divine power and die under the law (taking the penalty for our sin), and then rising again (defeating death), Jesus has purchased for us - with His own life - the right to be made one with Him (1 Corinthians 6:17). We are made co-heirs with Jesus, and we share in His inheritance. He has given us the chance to be sons and daughters with Him, and to know Abba Father as He knows Him - as our Father (Romans 8:14-17). Jesus paid our penalty so that we wouldn’t have to suffer that separation from Father. Not only do we not have to spend eternity separated from Him, but no matter what we walk through in this life we will never walk alone and we will not be defeated or destroyed because Jesus’ blood has already purchased our victory. He takes broken things and broken people and redeems them (Ezekiel 36:33-36). He makes us new creations in Him, and that is how Abba Father sees us - through the cleansing blood of His Son - as His own sons and daughters.


He calls us by name, and He says we are His. The Hebrew root of “called” also says “proclaim”. He has proclaimed that we belong to Him. John 10:27-30 says this:


27 The sheep that are My own hear and are listening to My voice, and I know them and they follow Me, 28 and I give them eternal life, and they shall never lose it or perish throughout the ages - to all eternity they shall never by any means be destroyed. And no one is able to snatch them out of My hand. 29 My Father, Who has given them to Me, is greater and mightier than all else; and no one is able to snatch [them] out of the Father’s hand. 30 I and the Father are One.” AMPC


We belong to Him, and there is nothing powerful enough to take from God what He, Himself, has proclaimed belongs to Him. We are safe in Him.


And finally, jumping back to Isaiah, in verse 2, notice that it does not say “if” you encounter things or walk through things. It says “when”. Walking with Him does not make us exempt from walking through hard things. It doesn’t mean that the enemy will never try to attack us. But He says that He will be with us in those hard places. And He promises that we will not be overcome by those things. We have assured victory in Jesus (Romans 8:37), and we must have understanding of it, receive it, learn to rely on it, and be strengthened to stand firm on that promise.


Scripture References:

Isaiah 43:1-2


1 But now [in spite of the past judgements for Israel’s sins] thus says the Lord Who created you, O Jacob, and He Who formed You, O Israel: Fear not, for I have redeemed you - ransomed you by paying a price instead of leaving you captives; I have called you by your name, you are Mine. 2 When you pass through the waters I will be with you, and through the rivers they shall not overwhelm you: when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned or scorched, nor shall the flame kindle upon you.” AMPC


1 Now this is what the Lord says - He who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: ‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you go through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched; the flames will not set you ablaze.’” BSB


1 But now thus saith the Lord that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. 2 When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.” KJV


John 14:26


26 But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will cause you to recall - will remind you of, bring to your remembrance - everything I have told you.” AMPC


26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things and will bring to your remembrance all things that I have said to you.” BLB


26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.” KJV


Philippians 1:6


6 And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ - right up to the time of His return - developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you.” AMPC


6 Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” BSB


6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.” KJV



2 Corinthians 3:18


18 And all of us, as with unveiled face, [because we] continued to behold [in the Word of God] as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another; [for this comes] from the Lord [Who is} the Spirit.” AMPC


18 And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into His image with intensifying glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” BSB


18 But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.” KJV



Ephesians 1:22-23


22 And He has put all things under His feet and has appointed Him the universal and supreme Head of the church (a headship exercised throughout the church), 23 which is His body, the fullness of Him Who fills all in all - for in that body lives the full measure of Him Who makes everything complete, and Who fills everything everywhere [with Himself].” AMPC


22 And God put everything under His feet and made Him head over everything for the church, 23 which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.” BSB


22 And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church, 23 which is his body, the fullness of him that filleth all in all.” KJV


1 Corinthians 6:17


17 But the person who is united to the Lord becomes one spirit with Him.” AMPC


17 But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with Him in Spirit.” BSB


17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.” KJV


Romans 8:14-17


14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15 For [the Spirit which] you have now received [is] not a spirit of slavery to put you once more in bondage to fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption - the Spirit producing sonship - in [the bliss of] which we cry Abba! [that is,] Father! 16 The Spirit Himself [thus] testifies together with our own spirit, [assuring us] that we are children of God. 17 And if we are [His] children, then we are [His] heirs also: heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ - sharing inheritance with Him; only we must share His suffering if we are to share His glory.” AMPC


14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive a spirit of slavery that returns you to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship, by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’ 16 The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 17 And if we are children, then we are heirs: heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ - if indeed we suffer with Him, so that we may also be glorified with Him.” BSB


14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. 15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. 16 The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: 17 And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.” KJV


Ezekiel 36:33-36


33 Thus says the Lord God: In the day that I cleanse you from all your iniquities I will also cause [Israel’s] cities to be inhabited, and the waste places shall be rebuilt. 34 And the desolate land shall be tilled, that which had laid desolate in the sight of all who passed by. 35 And they shall say, This land that was desolate has become like the garden of Eden, and the waste and desolate and ruined cities are fortified and inhabited. 36 Then the nations that are left round about you shall know that I, the Lord, have rebuilt the ruined places, and replanted that which was desolate. I, the Lord, have spoken it, and I will do it.” AMPC


33 This is what the Lord God says: On the day I cleanse you from all your iniquities, I will case the cities to be resettled and the ruins to be rebuilt. 34 The desolate land will be cultivated instead of lying desolate in the sight of all who pass through. 35 Then they will say, ‘This is the land that was desolate has become like the garden of Eden. The cities that were once ruined, desolate, and destroyed are now fortified and inhabited.’ 36 Then the nations around you that remain will know that I, the Lord, have rebuilt what was destroyed, and I have replanted what was desolate. I, the Lord, have spoken, and I will do it.” BSB


33 Thus saith the Lord God; In the day that I shall have cleansed you from all your iniquities I will also cause you to dwell in the cities, and the wasted shall be builded. 34 And the desolate land shall be tilled, whereas it lay desolate in the sight of all that passed by. 35 And they shall say, This land that was desolate is become like the garden of Eden; and the waste and desolate and ruined cities are become fenced, and are inhabited. 36 Then the heathen that are left round about you shall know that I the Lord build the ruined places, and plant that that was desolate: I the Lord have spoken it and I will do it.” KJV


John 10:27-30


27 The sheep that are My own hear and are listening to My voice, and I know them and they follow Me, 28 and I give them eternal life, and they shall never lose it or perish throughout the ages - to all eternity they shall never by any means be destroyed. And no one is able to snatch them out of My hand. 29 My Father, Who has given them to Me, is greater and mightier than all else; and no one is able to snatch [them] out of the Father’s hand. 30 I and the Father are One.” AMPC


27 My sheep listen to My voice; I know them, and they follow Me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them out of My hand. 29 My Father who has given them to Me is greater than all. No one can snatch them out of My Father’s hand. 30 I and the Father are one.” BSB


27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: 28 And I give them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. 29 My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father’s hand. 30 I and my Father are one.” KJV


Romans 8:37


37 Yet amid all these things we are more than conquerors and gain a surpassing victory through Him Who loved us.” AMPC


37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.” BSB


37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.” KJV

Understanding His Offer: Knowing Him By Experiencing him

by: Tara b. davis | 6/23

I gave a brief description of the beginning of this journey in the previous post - the onset of symptoms and the month or so when rapid decline hit. After that period of decline and much unwelcome change, the enemy had me isolated and life became eerily quiet and still. I found myself at a new “baseline”. I couldn’t get around on my own, but I was determined to be up, out of bed each day. I required help getting up, getting dressed (or let's be real - putting on my “daytime pajamas”), and moving to the recliner in the living room. I felt quite literally stuck; trapped. I couldn’t move from any spot to do anything on my own (“being humbled” takes on a whole new meaning when suddenly, you can’t even go down the hall to the bathroom on your own). At this point, I was just “surviving” each day. Most days by the time Josh got home from work, pain had intensified, miserably intense headaches had fully set in, I’d given in and tried to eat and was very sick, and I’d had multiple episodes resulting in spastic vitals… I was just counting down the minutes until bedtime, though it was never the respite I longed for.


Looking back, it stands out to me that during this relatively short period at the beginning I just didn’t talk much (if you know me, you know that is pretty unusual for me - this was really the only point in this journey that a new symptom or issue wasn’t met with a pun or some form of awkward humor). For one, most of the time it physically hurt to speak. But even so, what could I say? I was mostly at a loss for words. There was so much silence and I couldn’t fill it. I’d hit this point, that with the volume and screen brightness turned almost completely down, most of the time the sound and light from the TV was far too painful to endure; there was no option left for any form of distraction. After putting up such a fight, I found myself still. The literal silence and darkness were uncomfortable to say the least. But God. He is faithful to meet us in eerily quiet, dark moments when we’ve been left with no choice but to be completely still. And that’s when everything began to shift. He filled the quiet. He shone light in darkness. He brought joy amidst tears. He replaced fear with laughter, even in the face of tragedy.


The enemy thought he’d gotten me to this point where he could keep me defeated because I was so isolated; so insulated. But in reality he’d created this insulated bubble for me to remain in constant communion with Father. Jesus turns the isolation of the enemy into the secret place where we can abide in Abba; we get to sit with Him in the garden, to know His heart deeply, to learn Him intimately. That isolated bubble was meant for harm, but was made a beautiful, precious, and treasured retreat by the One who redeems ALL things. (Ephesians 1:17-18)


In the previous post I mentioned His offer - the chance to journey with Him. At this point and with each passing day I began to better understand His offer. It was an offer to know Him, to know His heart for me - not by knowing about Him, but by experiencing Him. Ephesians 3:19 says this:


19 That you may really come to know - practically, through experience for yourselves - the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge without experience; that you may be filled through all your being unto all the fullness of God - that is, may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself!” AMPC


In the original Greek language, “to know” implies a great variety of applications with many implications. We know Him more intimately when we experience Him in various seasons; when we live alongside Him. Paul says here that His love surpasses mere knowledge - knowledge in the original Greek text is specifically referencing doctrinal wisdom. Experiencing His love far exceeds possessing factual knowledge of Him. There is a distinct difference there. It’s relationship. He created us for relationship with Him so that we could experience Him in full. Not that we would simply know about Him, but that we would come to know all of Him intimately through deep relationship. That by experience, we would know His heart more than a list of His attributes. The following several years through this journey with Him would be an opportunity for me to truly know Him by experience and to be wholly filled and flooded with the fullness of God Himself.


As I look back now, the only part of the journey that still seems bitter or dark to me is that initial month or so. Technically, my physical progression got much worse from this point - I was still a ways off from the worst of it, medically speaking, and would still face many hard and frustrating things. But He was there with me. He was in it all, and He makes even the hard and ugly moments beautiful; He gives beauty for ashes. (2 Corinthians 4:6-7, Isaiah 61:3, Ecclesiastes 3:11, Psalm 149:4-5)


If you’re in the middle of the hard stuff right now, I want to encourage you with this - you don’t have to wait to see the beauty. He is there with you right now, which means there is good in it right now. Just seek Him. Let Him reveal it to you. Let Him reveal Himself to you in each moment. He, Himself, is the good in the hardest moments. (Psalm 9:10)


And if you’re not in the middle of a hard journey, but a fear of silence and stillness resonates with you… if you’re most comfortable when busy and constantly occupied… I encourage you to create some quiet space and let Him fill it. You don’t have to wait for the enemy to figuratively and/or literally knock you on your butt with something in order to find that space with Him. Be intentional with creating space and inviting Him in. We have free will - He won’t force Himself on us; but when we seek Him we will always find Him right there, elated to be with us, to be sought out by us. Don’t let the enemy feed you the lie that it’s something to be feared… just reach out to Him. He’ll amaze you every time. (Jeremiah 29:13)



Scripture References:

Ephesians 1:17-18


17 [For I always pray] the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Glory, that He may grant you a spirit of wisdom and revelation - of insight into mysteries and secrets - in the [deep and intimate] knowledge of Him, 18 by having the eyes of your heart flooded with light, so that you can know and understand the hope to which He has called you and how rich is His glorious inheritance in the saints - His set-apart ones.” AMPC


17 that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you a spirit of wisdom and revelation in your knowledge of Him. 18 I ask that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you may know the hope of His calling, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints” BSB


17 That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him: 18 The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints” KJV


Ephesians 3:19


19 [That you may really come] to know - practically, through experience for yourselves - the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge (without experience); that you may be filled (through all your being) unto all the fullness of God - [that is] may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself!” AMPC


19 of the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” BSB


19 And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.” KJV


2 Corinthians 4:6-7


6 For God Who said, Let light shine out of darkness, has shone in our hearts so as [to beam forth] the Light for the illumination of the knowledge of the majesty and glory of God [as it is manifest in the Person and is revealed] in the face of Jesus Christ, the Messiah. 7 However, we possess this precious treasure [the divine Light of the Gospel] in [frail, human] vessels of earth, that the grandeur and exceeding greatness of the power may be shown to be of God and not from ourselves.” AMPC


6 For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made His light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. 7 Now we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this surpassingly great power is from God and not from us.” BSB


6 For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. 7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.” KJV


Ecclesiastes 3:11


11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men, yet they cannot fathom the work that God has done from beginning to end.” MSB


11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men, yet they cannot fathom the work that God has done from beginning to end.” BSB


11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.” KJV


Psalm 149:4-5


4 For the Lord takes pleasure in His people; He will beautify the humble with salvation and adorn the wretched with victory. 5 Let the saints be joyful in the glory and beauty [which God confers upon them]; let them sing for joy upon their beds.” AMPC


4 For the LORD takes pleasure in His people; He adorns the afflicted with salvation. 5 Let the saints exult in glory; let them shout for joy upon their beds.” BSB


4 For the LORD taketh pleasure in his people: he will beautify the meek with salvation. 5 Let the saints be joyful in glory: let them sing aloud upon their beds.” KJV


Psalm 9:10



10 And they who know Your name [who have experience and acquaintance with Your mercy] will lean on and confidently put their trust in You; for You Lord, have not forsaken those who seek (inquire of and for You) [on the authority of God’s Word and the right of their necessity].” AMPC


10 Those who know Your name trust in You, for You, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You.” BSB


10 And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, LORD, hast not forsaken them that seek thee.” KJV


Jeremiah 29:13


13 Then you will seek Me, inquire for and require Me [as a vital necessity] and find Me; when you search for Me with all your heart.” AMPC


13 You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” BSB


13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.” KJV




The Fullness

by: Tara b. davis | 8/23

During a good portion of this journey with my health, my days and nights were totally reversed. My body couldn’t seem to follow any normal process properly. Even though I was utterly exhausted, I couldn’t simply go to sleep and rest. I was put on medication to make me sleep (quite literally intended to forcibly knock me out), but because my stomach/intestines weren’t working properly, I didn’t fully absorb it. Whatever portion of the dose that my body would absorb may not actually be absorbed for 6-10+ hours after being taken. Due to my sporadic absorption rate I’d pretty much take sleep whenever it finally came, which for quite a while was during the day.


This certainly built on the isolation I described in the previous post. I was no longer able to be actively involved with work, in my community, at church, or within our social circle. I’d been house-bound and mostly bed-bound for quite a while. And now, I was just getting awake when the sun was going down and everyone else was going to sleep. Even phone/text conversations were limited to a short window where my random waking hours overlapped with others’ normal waking hours. There was even a period of time that Josh and I would capitalize on the time that he spent getting ready for work in the morning before I fell asleep. We made the most of the moments when we were both awake in whatever random way worked best at the time. In that season, we actually looked forward to his alarm clock going off - probably me, more than Josh!


Nights were quiet. Most of the rest of the world was asleep. My husband was asleep. Neighbors, family, and friends were all asleep. It’s the time when the world mostly pauses. Yet, for several years, those were the hours I lived most of my life in. I began spending a good bit of time reading my Bible during the night. I read quite a few devotional books that I hadn’t gotten around to when I was healthy, and therefore, busy. They became a launching point for a much deeper study. I’d finish the devotional and then continue exploring through scripture for hours with virtually no time limit or distraction. As I did this, I began to notice things in scripture that I’d never noticed before, or that would stand out to me differently than ever before. One night as I read, John 14:26 grabbed my attention. Jesus says this:


“26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.” NKJV


Then, in John 16:7 He says this:


“7 Nevertheless I tell you the truth. It is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I depart, I will send Him to you.” NKJV


We are given Holy Spirit to live in us, teach us, and help us (John 14:16-17). Revelation moment, here… I thought to myself, why don’t I ever ask Holy Spirit, directly, for help? To teach me? Guide me? Direct me? Comfort me? He was given to us expressly for that purpose! Ephesians 3:16-21 says this:


“16 that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, 17 that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height - 19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. 20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, 21 to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” NKJV


Holy Spirit is the form of God (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) that dwells inside of us (1 John 3:24). Yet, completely unintentionally, I’d essentially been ignoring His Spirit. I’d seek God’s help or direction with a genuine desire to honor Him, but without recognition of the part of Himself already designated and made available to directly give me said help. I didn’t have a full understanding of what I’d been given and, therefore, wasn’t making full use of the gift. I had received Him in part, not in full. In the margin of my bible next to this scripture in Ephesians, this prayer is written:


“Father, fill me with Your Spirit. Strengthen me through my faith in You, and help me to understand, know, and fully experience Your amazing, endless love. You are so much bigger than we comprehend. Don’t let us box You in.”


During that time, and for years to come, my daily prayer became “Holy Spirit, be strong in me.” Many of these prayers can be found all throughout the margins of my bible. As I read The Word each night, I would ask Holy Spirit to teach me, to guide my understanding of scripture. I asked Him to reveal to me the fullness of Father’s heart for me, His love for me (Romans 5:5); to lead me deeper with Him (John 16:13-14). As I came to instruction in scripture, I would ask Holy Spirit to help me obey it. If I could read God’s instruction on how to live and then successfully do so on my own, I would not need Him. In the midst of many trials, if I could simply read that I should not be weary, worried, or fearful and then simply not be, I wouldn’t need His help. But that’s not how it works - trust me!


He saw our desperate need. He came and gave of Himself as He lived on earth, paid the price for our sin through a criminal’s death, rose again defeating hell and death, and then ascended to be with Father so that His Spirit could be poured out on us, fill us, and give us the same relationship that Jesus has with Father - because His indwelling Spirit is made one with our spirit (Romans 8:14-17, 1 Corinthians 6:16-17). Oh, the many facets of how He gave all of Himself, every part of Himself, for us! There is so, so much of God that we miss when we stop with obtaining salvation. Or even when we keep going passed that, seeking deeper understanding and relationship with Him, but attempt on our own instead of surrendering ourselves fully to the work of His Holy Spirit in us.


It is His Spirit that works in us to produce fruit or evidence of Him in us (Galatians 5:22-25); transforming us and making us more like Christ, taking us from one level of glory to the next and the next (2 Corinthians 3:17-18). I think all too often, because we genuinely desire to love God and serve Him well, we try to accomplish these things and live up to a certain standard on our own, instead of simply asking Holy Spirit for His help, as we are intended to do (John 16:7-15). He lives in us; He is always there. We don’t have to do anything on our own, under our own strength. We have the option to partner with Him in everything! We are intended to partner with Him in everything! It’s through that fellowship, that oneness with His Spirit, that we find deep connection and relationship. In His fullness we find all that we need.




Scripture References:

John 14:26


26 But the Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will help you remember everything that I have told you.” AMPC


26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.” NKJV


John 16:7


7 However, I am telling you nothing but the truth when I say, it is profitable - good, expedient, advantageous - for you that I go away. Because if I do not go away, the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Advocate, Intercessor, Strengthener, Standby) will not come to you - into close fellowship with you. But if I go away, I will send Him to you - to be in close fellowship with you.” AMPC


7 Nevertheless I tell you the truth. It is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I depart, I will send Him to you.” NKJV


John 14:16-17

16 And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever - 17 the Spirit of Truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you.” NKJV


16 And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Standby) that He may remain with you forever, 17 The Spirit of Truth, Whom the world cannot receive (welcome, take to its heart), because it does not see Him, nor know and recognize Him, for He lives with you [constantly] and will be in you.” AMPC


Ephesians 3:16-20


16 May He grant you out of the rich treasures of His glory to be strengthened and reinforced with mighty power in the inner man by the (Holy) Spirit [Himself] - indwelling your innermost being and personality. 17 May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell - settle down, abide, make His permanent home - in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love, 18 that you may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp with all the saints (God’s devoted people, the experience of that love) what is the breadth and length and eight and depth [of it]. 19 [That you may really come] to know - practically, through experience for yourselves - the love of Christ which far surpasses mere knowledge (without experience); that you may be filled (through all your being) unto all the fullness of God - [that is] may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God himself! 20 Now to Him who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think - infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams.” AMPC


16 that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, 17 that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— 19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. 20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, 21 to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” NKJV


1 John 3:24


24 All who keep His commandments (who obey His orders and follow His plan, live and continue to live, to stay and) abide in Him, and He in them. They let Christ be a home to them and they are the home of Christ. And by this we know and understand and have the proof that He [really] lives and makes His home in us, by the (Holy) Spirit Whom He has given us.” AMPC


24 Now he who keeps His commandments abides in Him, and He in him. And by this we know that He abides in us, by the Spirit whom He has given us.” NKJV


Romans 5:5


5 Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.” AMPC


5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” NKJV


John 16:13-14


13 But when He, the Spirit of Truth (the truth-giving Spirit) comes, He will guide you into all the truth - the whole, full truth. For He will not speak His own message - on His own authority - but He will tell whatever He hears [from the Father, He will give the message that has been given to Him] and He will announce and declare to you the things that are to come - that will happen in the future. 14 He will honor and glorify Me, because He will take of (receive, draw upon) what is Mine and will reveal (declare, disclose, transmit) it to you.” AMPC


13 But when He, the Spirit of Truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth [full and complete truth]. For He will not speak on His own initiative, but He will speak whatever He hears [from the Father--the message regarding the Son], and He will disclose to you what is to come [in the future]. 14 He will glorify and honor Me, because He (the Holy Spirit) will take from what is Mine and will disclose it to you.” NKJV


Romans 8:14-17


14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15 For [the Spirit which] you have now received [is] not a spirit of slavery to put you once more in bondage to fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption - the Spirit producing sonship - in [the bliss of] which we cry Abba! [That is,] Father! 16 The Spirit Himself [thus] testifies together with our own spirit, [assuring us] that we are children of God. 17 And if we are [His] children, then we are [His] heirs also: heirs of God and follow heirs with Christ - sharing inheritance with Him; only we must share His suffering if we are to share His glory.” AMPC


14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” 16 The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.” NKJV


1 Corinthians 6:17


17 But the person who is united to the Lord becomes one spirit with Him.” AMPC


17 But He who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.” NKJV


Galatians 5:22-25


22 But the fruit of the (Holy) Spirit, [the work which His presence within accomplishes] - is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness; 23 (meekness, humility) gentleness, self-control (self-restraint, continence). Against such things there is no law [that can bring a charge]. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus, the Messiah, have crucified the flesh - the Godless human nature - with its passions and appetites and desires. 25 If we live by the (Holy) Spirit we have our life [in God], let us go forward walking in line, our conduct controlled by the Spirit.” AMPC


22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.” NKJV


2 Corinthians 3:17-18


17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty [emancipation from bondage, true freedom]. 18 And we all, with unveiled face, continually seeing as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are progressively being transformed into His image from [one degree of] glory to [even more] glory, which comes from the Lord, [who is] the Spirit.” AMPC


17 Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. 18 But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.” NKJV


John 16:7-15


7 But I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor--Counselor, Strengthener, Standby) will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him (the Holy Spirit) to you [to be in close fellowship with you]. 8 And He, when He comes, will convict the world about [the guilt of] sin [and the need for a Savior], and about righteousness, and about judgment: 9 about sin [and the true nature of it], because they do not believe in Me [and My message]; 10 about righteousness [personal integrity and godly character], because I am going to My Father and you will no longer see Me; 11 about judgment [the certainty of it], because the ruler of this world (Satan) has been judged and condemned. 12 I have many more things to say to you, but you cannot bear [to hear] them now. 13 But when He, the Spirit of Truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth [full and complete truth]. For He will not speak on His own initiative, but He will speak whatever He hears [from the Father--the message regarding the Son], and He will disclose to you what is to come [in the future]. 14 He will glorify and honor Me, because He (the Holy Spirit) will take from what is Mine and will disclose it to you. 15 All things that the Father has are Mine. Because of this I said that He [the Spirit] will take from what is Mine and will reveal it to you.” AMPC


7 Nevertheless I tell you the truth. It is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I depart, I will send Him to you. 8 And when He has come, He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment: 9 of sin, because they do not believe in Me; 10 of righteousness, because I go to My Father and you see Me no more; 11 of judgment, because the ruler of this world is judged. 12 I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. 13 However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come. 14 He will glorify Me, for He will take of what is Mine and declare it to you. 15 All things that the Father has are Mine. Therefore I said that He will take of Mine and declare it to you.” NKJV


comparison is a tool of the enemy

by: Tara b. davis | 8/23

It’s human nature to gravitate toward others we feel we can identify with; we naturally look for common ground and group like things. We seek out mentors and crave advice from those who have walked the path before us. We seek comfort from those who have suffered similar hardships. We seek understanding from those who know because they’ve been there. Josh and I sought these things when I first got sick and we found ourselves profoundly frustrated that we knew no one, personally, who could truly relate. Josh found himself learning to love me in a new role as a caregiver and trying to support me through something we never could have imagined walking through. I found myself suddenly unable to support Josh and show him love in many of the ways we’d been accustomed to. I never imagined that the extent of my love and support of my husband would literally be praying for him because I was not physically able to do anything more for him; instead he was doing literally every single thing for me. Our normal didn’t look like anyone else’s normal. Who could tell us all the hacks and tricks? Who could encourage us and tell us what got them through as they first figured it all out? We kept thinking that eventually we’d find another couple who could relate, who could tell us all the things, who could point us in the right direction. We never did. But we did learn to redirect our seeking and shift our gaze.


In Matthew 20 we learn about an estate owner who hires workers for his vineyard. He goes out to the market first thing in the morning and finds a group of available workers. They agree on a rate of pay - 1 denarius per day. A denarius is an ancient roman coin - so they agree on a specific amount of money for the day. Because they agree, he sends them out into his vineyards.


Mid-morning he goes back to the market and finds more workers and hires them, saying he will pay them whatever is right, and they went out to work. He did the same thing again mid-day and mid-afternoon.


Then at the end of the work day he went back to the market and found more workers and asked them “Why do you stand here idle all day?” Their response stands out to me… they respond simply by saying that no one had hired them. They don’t say that they were late to the market and offer excuses as to why.. there is nothing to imply that they did not want to work to earn a living.. nothing to imply that they are incapable of doing the same work as the laborers hired earlier in the day. So they were there, ready and willing, but had not gotten the opportunity.


I’m sure they had watched others that seemed no different from themselves get opportunities through the day while they stood waiting. I imagine they may have been discouraged as they looked around and wondered why they were so far off from the rest.. why wasn’t it happening for them? They did all of the same things and showed up to the same place, and yet the same opportunity had not come to them. At this point how would they ever make up that lost time? How could they earn the same money when they were ready and willing but no one had hired them? But they didn’t give up and go home early.. at the end of the day they were still there, faithfully waiting for an opportunity.


Hearing their answer, the vineyard owner hired them and said they would be paid what was just and fair. So at the very end of the day, they went out into the vineyard to work even though there was only an hour left. Picking up in verse 8…


8 When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his manager, ‘Call the workmen and pay them their wages, beginning with the last and ending with the first.’ 9 And they who had been hired at the eleventh hour (five o’clock) came, and received a denarius each. 10 Now when the first came, they supposed they would get more, but each of them also received a denarius. 11 And when they received it they grumbled at the owner of the estate, 12 saying, ‘These who came last worked no more than an hour, and yet you have made them rank with us who have borne the burden and the scorching heat of the day.’ 13 But he answered one of them, ‘Friend, I am doing you no injustice. Did you not agree with me for a denarius? 14 Take what belongs to you and go. I choose to give to this man hired last the same as I give to you. 15 Am I not permitted to do what I choose with what is mine? Or do you begrudge my being generous? Is your eye evil because I am good?’” AMPC


How often do we compare our opportunities with others? How often do we assume God can’t provide just as much for us, as someone with an opportunity that we have deemed to be better in some way? How often do we compare what we’ve been given to others instead of looking to Him with gratitude and asking Him how He wants us to use what He’s given us - because it’s all His anyway? How often do we slip into judging God and His ways from our very limited vantage point? Or judging others because His path for them looks different from ours?


Comparison is a tool of the enemy. Throughout this journey, Holy Spirit has repeated this phrase to me multiple times. Each time, I understand on a new level. And then some time later He whispers it again, and it takes on new and deeper meaning. Comparison is a tool of the enemy.


Sometimes I’ve looked for others on a similar journey - desiring someone to relate to. Other times, I’ve looked at what most “normal” couples our age were doing and wondered why we were so far off. Then I’ve looked at examples of faith lived out and healing manifested and tried to discern what exactly scripture promises to us by looking at how God has worked in someone else’s life - that’ll incite correction. I’ve looked at others who have been called to a certain path, ministry, etc. and tried to understand what a calling could or should look like walked out. And every time He’s told me “Comparison is a tool of the enemy. Stop looking around at everyone else and look at Me.”


1 Peter 2:21 says this:

21 For even to this were you called - it is inseparable from your vocation. For Christ also suffered for you, leaving you His personal example, so that you should follow on in His footsteps.” AMPC


We have a perfect example to follow. I don’t think we truly realize just how literal that is. Some would say “Oh, how dare you compare or liken yourself to Jesus like that!” But we are given multiple accounts of His life on earth, we are filled with and led by the SAME Holy Spirit as He was (Luke 4:1) so that we can be transformed and made more and more like Him (Gal. 5:22-25, 2 Cor. 3:17-18). We are intended to follow that example; to mimic it - quite literally! Why would we ever look to anyone else when we have Him?


In Matthew 16:24, Jesus says this:

24 If any one desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself - that is, disregard, lose sight of and forget himself and his own interests - and take up his cross and follow Me [cleave steadily to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and if need be in dying, also].” AMPC


We should compare ourselves only to Him. We should desire to be like Him alone. We should be led and moved and motivated by His Spirit alone. He is our perfect example, plain and simple, yet we make every excuse to look elsewhere. And the world points elsewhere. Sometimes the church even points elsewhere. We get off track when we take our eyes off Him. Comparing ourselves, our circumstances, His provision for us, our healing, our calling, our message, our Spirit-led steps, His timing for us, etc. to that of others around us. Even other “good, godly” examples that may be inspiring, helpful, or encouraging can’t replace Him.


If we need to relate to someone who’s been through it, we should read about Jesus’ experience in scripture. If we need to understand our inheritance as fellow-heirs, it’s clearly outlined for us in the Bible. If we need to understand what healing looks like, there are many different examples in The Word and He is not vague about what He offers us. If we need to wrap our minds around our calling and anointing, it is clearly defined by The One Who calls us, Himself. We don’t need to look to anyone else in order to see Him. He reveals Himself, His heart to us through His Spirit LIVING IN US and through His Word. Yes, the body is intended to be His presence in the earth by His Spirit dwelling in us, but always intended to point back to the head.


If we never took our eyes off of Him, we would never notice any of those other things we get so wrapped up in. How effectively could we follow Him in obedience if we only ever noticed Him, and no one else? If He was truly our sole influencer…


When we step back and compare every part of ourselves and our lives to others, we open the door to the enemy in so many ways. 1 Peter 5:8 warns that the enemy is always prowling around, seeking someone to devour, so we must be alert and aware of the subtle ways that we open ourselves up to the enemy and allow him to slip in. May we be conscious of our tendency to make comparisons. Comparison among men is always a tool of the enemy.


Scripture References:

Matthew 20:1-15


1 For the kingdom of heaven is like the owner of an estate who went out in the morning along with the dawn to hire workmen for his vineyard. 2 After agreeing with the laborers for a denarius a day, he sent them into his vineyard. 3 And going out about the third hour (nine o’clock) he saw others standing idle in the market place; 4 and he said to them, You go also into the vineyard, and whatever is right I will pay you. And they went. 5 he went out again about the sixth hour (noon), and the ninth hour (three o’clock) he did the same. 6 And about the eleventh hour (five o’clock) he went out and found still others standing around, and said to them, Why do you stand here idle all day? 7 They answered him, Because nobody has hired us. He told them, You go out into the vineyard also and you will get whatever is just and fair. 8 When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his manager, ‘Call the workmen and pay them their wages, beginning with the last and ending with the first.’ 9 And they who had been hired at the eleventh hour (five o’clock) came, and received a denarius each. 10 Now when the first came, they supposed they would get more, but each of them also received a denarius. 11 And when they received it they grumbled at the owner of the estate, 12 saying, ‘These who came last worked no more than an hour, and yet you have made them rank with us who have borne the burden and the scorching heat of the day.’ 13 But he answered one of them, ‘Friend, I am doing you no injustice. Did you not agree with me for a denarius? 14 Take what belongs to you and go. I choose to give to this man hired last the same as I give to you. 15 Am I not permitted to do what I choose with what is mine? Or do you begrudge my being generous? Is your eye evil because I am good?’” AMPC


1 Peter 2:21


21 For even to this were you called - it is inseparable from your vocation. For Christ also suffered for you, leaving you [His personal] example, so that you should follow on in His footsteps.” AMPC


21 For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps.” NKJV


Luke 4:1


1 Then Jesus, full of and controlled by the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan, and was led in (by) the (Holy) Spirit.” AMPC


1 Then Jesus, being filled with the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness.” NKJV


Galatians 5:22-25


22 But the fruit of the (Holy) Spirit, [the work which His presence within accomplishes] - is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness; 23 (meekness, humility) gentleness, self-control (self-restraint, continence). Against such things there is no law [that can bring a charge]. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus, the Messiah, have crucified the flesh - the Godless human nature - with its passions and appetites and desires. 25 If we live by the (Holy) Spirit we have our life [in God], let us go forward walking in line, our conduct controlled by the Spirit.” AMPC


22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.” NKJV


2 Corinthians 3:17-18


17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty [emancipation from bondage, true freedom]. 18 And we all, with unveiled face, continually seeing as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are progressively being transformed into His image from [one degree of] glory to [even more] glory, which comes from the Lord, [who is] the Spirit.” AMPC


17 Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. 18 But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.” NKJV


Matthew 16:24


24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, If any one desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself - that is, disregard, lose sight of and forget himself and his own interests - and take up his cross and follow Me [cleave steadily to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and if need be in dying, also].” AMPC


24 Then Jesus said to His disciples,’If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.’” NKJV


1 Peter 5:8


8 Be well-balanced - temperate, sober-minded; be vigilant and cautious at all times, for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger], seeking someone to seize upon and devour.” AMPC


8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” NKJV



live surrendered

by: Tara b. davis | 9/23

I think most people prefer to feel like they are “in control” of their circumstances to some degree. I used to place a very high value on maintaining some amount of “control”, so this was a prime target area for the enemy with me… a giant red button for him to push… and just keep pushing with increasing intensity.


When I first got sick and my mobility was affected, I had a transport chair for a while before getting my custom chair. For those not familiar with wheelchairs, that means it had four little wheels instead of two little wheels and two big wheels. This means I couldn’t move or propel myself at all. I was entirely at the mercy of someone else to push me to wherever I needed to go. For a time, this meant waking my husband up countless times in the middle of the night due to a dysfunctional bladder because I needed to run to the restroom yet again, waiting for my mom to get to the house after Josh had left for work so I could move from whatever spot he’d left me in, and many other scenarios that were far less than ideal, but you get the idea. Out of necessity and somewhat begrudgingly, I began learning to live dependently rather than independently - not according to my will or desired timing.


Due to my inability to control my heart rate, it took me quite a while to get out of bed. I had to ease up to a reclined position and give it time, then sit up and give it time, then transfer to my wheelchair and give it time, and then finally begin to slowly move. The bigger spikes in my heart rate remained somewhat more manageable this way, but it was a highly inefficient and ineffective way of trying to function. Yet another reason I required much assistance with basic tasks.


Beginning in February of 2021, I had six rounds of anesthesia in a year’s time for various procedures and surgeries. Each one came with complications that provided their own variety of limitations to my free will. One of which was a major GI surgery that resulted in a “reconfiguration” of my abdomen, but there was no way to know until afterward exactly what all the implications would be; I had to agree to a “permanent” situation blindly. As it turned out, my very vague expectations were WAY off, but that’s a much longer story. Essentially, I had to learn to live with some significant things that I’m still not sure I’d have agreed to on the front-end if I’d known, though they’ve been proven 100% necessary.


About a month and a half after that major surgery, a section of my intestine quite literally fell out of me, which landed us in the ER. Once the doctor saw me, I was admitted to the hospital for many reasons aside from my adventurous intestine. I don’t even remember the beginning of the admission - but from the point that I came around enough, I do remember the multiple teams of doctors who would come in to tell us what they were going to do with my body next… which totally contradicted what the other team said five minutes prior and what the next team would say thirty minutes later. Surgeries, procedures, tests and treatments were recommended, scheduled, contested and then canceled between these teams… this went on for 12 days while they worked to get and keep me stable. They even came to transport me and couldn’t tell us where I was being taken or why - only that an order went in and I’d find out what was happening when I got there. It was an experience.


During that year especially, our time was not our own. Our plans were not our own. My bodily functions weren’t even my own. It didn’t matter what we wanted or needed, we had no choice but to just keep taking the next step. And to be honest, during those particularly intense months, things didn’t let up enough for us to even consider our preferences. Our full capacity and then some was consumed with surviving each moment. That season very much broke me of so much of my incessant need to feel that I was in control of a situation. On an extremely personal level, I was in control of absolutely nothing.


The truth is, bladder, legs, etc. aside, I wasn’t actually in control of any less at that point than I ever had been. My circumstances had just made me keenly aware of my lack of control. I’d had no choice but to rely heavily on my husband, family, friends, and a variety of medical staff for any and everything for several years. When I was admitted to the hospital, I had truly come to the end of myself, physically speaking. My husband was communicating with my doctors on my behalf. Not only was I not in control, but I didn’t even have any idea what was going on - Josh had to fill me in later. At that point, I truly had no choice but to lean into Him, to surrender to Him fully, to let Him work in His perfect time and way to save me and sustain me (Ps. 50:15).


Because God is for us and He loves us so graciously, He had been working to prepare me for that “end of me” moment and get me to that place with Him for over a year (James 4:10). In His infinite wisdom and out of His perfect love, He gave us Holy Spirit, the perfect provision for our every situation - always with us, living in us (1 Cor. 6:19). He’d taught me that surrender can’t happen without the work of His Holy Spirit in us; without His grace, peace, love, mercy, comfort, guidance, teaching, etc. It’s simply not possible for us to do it on our own, and we don’t have to. Proverbs 3:5-6 instructs:


5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” NKJV


In the original Hebrew text, “acknowledge” means “to know”. In all situations, we must know Him. We must know and recognize Who He is within the context of our circumstances. We’re not created to carry the burden on our own. In Matthew 11:28-30, He says this:


28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and over burdened, and I will cause you to rest - I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls. 29 Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest - relief, ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet - for your souls. 30 For my yoke is wholesome (useful, good) - not harsh, hard, sharp or pressing, but comfortable, gracious and pleasant; and My burden is light and easy to be borne.” AMPC


He intends for us to give Him our burden and carry His yoke. When we do try to carry a burden that we’re not meant to bear, the weight of it will crush us every time. We’re meant to cast our burdens.. let go.. surrender it all to Him (1 Pet. 5:6-7). Psalm 46:10 says:


10 Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” NKJV


“Be still” in the original Hebrew text implies being weak, letting go, and releasing. In other words, “Surrender and know that I am God”. This can be broken down into two Hebrew roots: “Raphah” (respite, relax, wait) and “Ruph” (bring about healing). Being still before Him, surrendering to Him actually encompasses a time of respite and waiting for Him to bring about healing. I didn’t need to strive for a false sense of control. I just needed to recognize Who He is and rest in Him - under His easy yoke instead of my burden.


He calls us to live in a perpetual state of surrender to Him, His timing, His way, His plan, His purpose. Surrender often has a negative connotation, but when giving everything over to a Father who loves us so well, we should have no fear or hesitation. When we truly come to know His heart for us, fear and hesitation flee with the enemy (James 4:7). In Proverbs 23:26 He says:


“Give me your heart, and let your eyes observe and delight in my ways.” AMPC


He is so good and so trustworthy. Our control results in carrying heavy burdens that we’re not built for, whereas, surrender to Him results in our delight. Surrender is a journey we submit to led by Holy Spirit; and I’m convinced I’ll spend the rest of my life in ever-increasing delight as I learn to live more and more fully surrendered to Him.

Scripture References:

Psalm 50:15


15 And call on Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall honor and glorify Me.” AMPC


15 Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me.” NKJV


James 4:10


10 Humble yourselves - feeling very insignificant - in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you. He will lift you up and make your lives significant.” AMPC


10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.” NKJV


Proverbs 3:5-6


5 Lean on, trust and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind, and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. 6 In all your ways know, recognize and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.” AMPC


5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” NKJV


1 Corinthians 6:19


19 Do you not know that your body is the temple - the very sanctuary - of the Holy Spirit Who lives within you, Whom you have received [as a Gift] from God? You are not your own.” AMPC


19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?” NKJV


1 Peter 5:6-7


6 Therefore humble yourselves (demote, lower yourselves in your own estimation) under the mighty hand of God, that in due time He may exalt you. 7 Casting the whole of your care - all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all - on Him; for He cares for you affectionately, and cares about you watchfully.” AMPC


6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, 7 casting all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.” NKJV


Matthew 11:28-30


28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and over burdened, and I will cause you to rest - I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls. 29 Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me; for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest - relief, ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet - for your souls. 30 For my yoke is wholesome (useful, good) - not harsh, hard, sharp or pressing, but comfortable, gracious and pleasant; and My burden is light and easy to be borne.” AMPC


28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and My burden is light.” NKJV


Psalm 46:10



10 Let be and be still, and know - recognize and understand - that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations! I will be exalted in the earth!” AMPC


10 Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” NKJV


James 4:7


7 So be subject to God, - stand firm against the devil; resist him and he will flee from you.” AMPC


7 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” NKJV


Proverbs 23:26


26 My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe and delight in my ways.” AMPC


26 My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways.” NKJV


The Secret Place

by: Tara b. davis | 11/23

What makes a heart pleasing and usable to Father? This is at the core of the many things Holy Spirit has taught me through this journey. The things that led me to ask this question were hard and downright painful… deeply so. However, I am more grateful for this journey He’s led me on and all that He continues to teach me than I could ever put into words; I honestly wouldn’t trade it for anything. Being led to the secret place with Him through what the enemy intended to be a disaster is the perfect picture of His fulfilled promise to redeem all things.


We see in 1 Samuel 16 that God directed Samuel to anoint a new King of Israel after Saul had been rejected by God. Saul had been disobedient to God; not once, but twice. God told Samuel that the new ruler He’d provided was one of Jesse’s sons, and instructed him to go to Bethlehem and anoint him. Even though Samuel was reasonably afraid of Saul’s reaction to this, he followed in obedience and God provided the way. As Jesse’s sons stood before him, God instructed him:


7 Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for a man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” NKJV


Samuel was looking at Eliab, a strong and physically impressive warrior, and thinking he was the obvious choice. But God could see what Samuel could not. Once all of Jesse’s sons had passed before him and none had been chosen, Samuel asked if this was all of the young men. Jesse replied that his youngest, David, was out in the field tending sheep. Samuel instructed Jesse to bring him in, and sure enough Jesse’s youngest, David, was God’s chosen one. In obedience, Samuel anointed him right then and there in front of all his older brothers.


From the original Hebrew text of verse 7 above, stature implies being elevated or powerful. David obviously wasn’t the oldest, strongest, or most experienced; he was not in an elevated position and held no power. He was out humbly tending sheep - not even called in and put in the line-up to be considered for such a position. David was by no human measure the best choice, yet he was the one God would use. The heart, in the original Hebrew text, is referring to the inner man, mind, or will. God wants to use someone with a heart after His. He desires a servant that desires Him, His will, and His way above all else.


From man’s perspective I’m sure this anointing wasn’t generally understood and probably didn’t make Samuel or David terribly popular amongst the group, but God could see what man could not. God was looking at David’s heart and knew that while David’s execution would inevitably be imperfect, he would ultimately desire and seek after His heart. As David’s story unfolds, even when we see him mess up significantly we see him ultimately return to God, repent, and seek His heart again. That is what God could see in David that none of the men could - even His prophet, Samuel. Rather than his own observations, Samuel followed God’s leading and assessment of the men who stood before him. He was consistently obedient regardless of other variables; his heart was after God rather than fulfilling his own desires or gaining the approval of any man. This is what God looks for - not status, a certain type of image, or perceived power, but a heart after His.


1 Peter 3:3-4 says:

3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward - arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel - 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” NKJV


As illustrated in 1 Samuel, Peter is emphasizing here that it’s our heart that matters to God - not the outward things that man takes note of such as our image, material possessions, an impressive career path, a notable title, or a powerful position. A heart that is humble, surrendered, and led by His Spirit is of great value to Him; a heart incorruptible and unfading. How does one’s heart remain so? By remaining in constant communion with Him. Communion refers to the relationship that Jesus’ sacrifice provides for believers, one of partnership or unity with God, and with one another within the body of Christ. The Oxford Dictionary defines communion as the sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts or feelings, especially on a spiritual level. Relationship involving that type of exchange with Father is what Jesus’ death and resurrection restored to us. I think all too often we lose sight of its vital importance. In Matthew 6:6 Jesus instructs:


6 But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.”NKJV


Within the context of the passage, Jesus is instructing His disciples to pray as He does. We see multiple accounts of Jesus, Himself, retreating to isolated places to be alone with Abba throughout His ministry (Luke 5:16). In John 14:10, Jesus says this:


10 Do you not believe that I am in the Father, and the Father in Me? The words that I speak to you I do not speak on My own authority; but the Father who dwells in Me does the works.” NKJV Emphasis Added


Jesus continually sought Abba in the secret place; He knew that everything flowed from His connection to Abba.


In the original Greek text of Matthew 6:6 above, pray implies supplication and worship (Phil. 4:6, Heb. 5:7-9). Supplication, from its Ancient Hebrew roots, goes beyond simply making a request to God in prayer. It implies humbly laying ourselves down in surrender before Father or “falling prostrate” before Him, receiving His grace, seeking His will first, and then asking Him for whatever we need to serve His desired purpose. Even taking it a step further by asking passionately and persistently. Ancient Hebrew roots imply a “drawing out” from Him. He wants us to seek Him first, His heart, His will, His desire, and then He wants us to require of Him and draw out from Him to accomplish His will. In the secret place, Father wants our worship and affection, to be sought out by His children when no one is watching and our motive is pure. We must seek His heart rather than simply requesting His works. Every good and perfect gift comes from Him (James 1:17) and it is His heart to do miracles and give abundantly to His children when we seek Him in this way (Matt. 7:11). So we must ask, is our heart posture one of supplication? Have we positioned ourselves to receive from Him in this way?


All things flow from abiding in the secret place with Him. All that we need, our sustenance in every circumstance, and all our ability to serve and follow in obedience comes as a result of our time with Him in the secret place. In 2 Corinthians 4:16-18, Paul writes:


16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. 17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, 18 while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” NKJV


Paul is saying that no matter what we see around us, no matter what is happening to our flesh, no matter how we appear to the world, we can be encouraged by the work that Holy Spirit is doing within us - renewing us from within day by day. So we don’t focus on the things we can see happening outwardly which are temporary, but on the spiritual things which are unseen - happening in the secret place - that are everlasting. In other words, we set our hearts on Him no matter our circumstances. We trust that His Holy Spirit is at work within us, using each hard thing to prepare us to carry His even greater Glory.


After David was anointed we don’t see his circumstances really change for a quite a while. He continues tending sheep, running errands on behalf of his father for his brothers in Saul’s army, and he even becomes the rejected King Saul’s harpist and armor bearer. Even when things do begin to shift, we see David face one intense challenge after another. His training and preparation doesn’t come through obvious or “traditional” means. Instead, God uses each of the things David encounters on his journey with Him - the lion, the bear, the giant, etc. (1 Sam. 17). Father wastes nothing. He uses each step in our lives to prepare us for the next and the next. Just like with David, His work in us is not always obvious to others or at times even to us; it is done in the secret place. So, we must be cautious never to wish away the valuable moments of a hard season; when we’re submitted, Holy Spirit is working in every one of them.


Father covers us in grace and invites us into the secret place with Him, where His Spirit will gently prune, mold, stretch and grow us in the purest love. There’s an indescribable safety in the secret place with Him; comfort to endure the hardest things, tender mercy, joy amidst suffering, strength in weakness, and clarity in spite of chaos. When we seek Him there, abide there with Him, we find all we need in Him, and a worthy servant’s heart is developed. We don’t need to have it all together, be the most impressive or qualified candidate in the eyes of man, live up to the world’s standards, or measure up in any outward way in order to be used by Him. Father doesn’t seek human perfection, but humble surrender. We simply need to have a surrendered heart that seeks after His heart. Just as Jesus did, we must learn to seek Him in the secret place. We must learn to live from the secret place.


Scripture References:

1 Samuel 16:7


7 Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for a man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” NKJV


7 But the Lord said to Samuel, Look not on his appearance or at the height of his stature, for I have rejected him; for the Lord sees not as man sees; for man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” AMPC


1 Peter 3:3-4


3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward - arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel - 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” NKJV


3 Let not yours be the [merely] external adorning with [elaborate] interweaving and knotting of the hair, the wearing of jewelry, or changes of clothes; 4 but let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and invading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which (is not anxious or wrought up, but) is very precious in the sight of God.” AMPC


Matthew 6:6


6 But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.”NKJV


6 But when you pray, go into your most private room, and closing the door, pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father Who sees in secret will reward you in the open.” AMPC


Luke 5:16


16 So He Himself often withdrew into the wilderness and prayed.” NKJV


16 But He Himself withdrew to the wilderness (desert) and prayed.” AMPC


John 14:10


10 Do you not believe that I am in the Father, and the Father in Me? The words that I speak to you I do not speak on My own authority; but the Father who dwells in Me does the works.” NKJV


10 Do you not believe that I am in the Father and that the Father is in Me? What I am telling you I do not say on My own authority and of My own accord, but the Father Who lives continually in Me does the works - His miracles, His own deeds of power.” AMPC


Philippians 4:6


6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” NKJV


6 Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything by prayer and petition [definite requests] with thanksgiving continue to make your wants known to God.” AMPC


Hebrews 5:7-9


7 Who, in the days of His flesh, when He had offered up prayers and supplications, with vehement cries and tears to Him who was able to save Him from death, and was heard because of His godly fear, 8 though He was a Son, yet He learned obedience by the things which He suffered. 9 And having been perfected, He became the author of eternal salvation to all who obey Him.” NKJV


7 In the days of His flesh [Jesus] offered up definite, special petitions [for that which He not only wanted but needed], and supplications, with strong crying and tears, to Him Who was [always] able to save Him (out) from death, and He was heard because of His reverence toward God - His godly fear, His piety [that is, in that He shrank from the horrors of separation from the bright presence of the Father]. 8 Although He was a Son, He learned [active, special] obedience through what He suffered; 9 And [His completed experience] making Him perfect [in equipment], He became the Author and Source of eternal salvation to all those who give heed and obey Him.” AMPC


James 1:17


17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.” NKJV


17 Every good gift and every perfect (free, large, full) gift is from above; it comes down from the Father of all [that gives] light, in [the shining of] Whom there can be no variation [rising or setting] or shadow cast by His turning [as an eclipse].” AMPC


Matthew 7:11


11 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!” NKJV


11 If you then, evil as you are, know how to give good and advantageous gifts to your children, how much more will your Father Who is in heaven [perfect as He is] give good and advantageous things to those who keep on asking Him!” AMPC


2 Corinthians 4:16-18


16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. 17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, 18 while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” NKJV


16 Therefore we do not become discouraged - utterly spiritless, exhausted, and wearied out through fear. Though our outer man is (progressively) decaying and wasting away, yet our inner self is being (progressively) renewed day after day. 17 For our light, momentary affliction (this slight distress of the passing hour) is even more and more abundantly preparing and producing and achieving for us an everlasting weight of glory - beyond all measure, excessively surpassing all comparisons and all calculations, a vast and transcendent glory and blessedness never to cease! 18 Since we consider and look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen; for the things that are visible are temporal (brief and fleeting), but the things that are invisible are deathless and everlasting.” AMPC



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